Is Change Really Possible?
Elul is coming to an end and the New Year is just before us. As we reflect on the past year we all struggle with the question of how can we make the upcoming year different? We ask ourselves, can we really change who we are? Can we really uproot our behaviors and redirect ourselves away from the same path we keep following? Can we really prevent ourselves from repeating the same mistakes day after day? At the same time as we prepare to stand in front of G-d on the day of judgement we wonder how can we merit G-d's mercy? Our prayers are filled with constant mention of G-d's abundant mercy and our dependence on His compassion but is it automatic? Do we receive G-d's mercy simply by making the request or is there something we need do to for us to be worthy of his compassion? What if there was a formula that would enable us to convert G-d's strict judgment into sweet mercy? What if we knew the secret? What if it required us to do something that was difficult? Would we be willing to take on the challenge in order to bring out our real potential and change our entire year?
Mystery of the Marathon
People often ask me why I choose to run marathons. They wonder why anyone would choose to spend weeks running in the heat or the cold and even through the rain; in the early morning or sometimes late at night. They are baffled as to why anyone would want to put their body through such a rigorous process of fitness training just for the sake of running 26.2 miles in a random city on a random day at a random time. Although most people appreciate the benefits of running for the mind, body and soul, they struggle to understand why a person would sign up and even pay for such an event that requires so much preparation, running hundreds of miles and pushing oneself to the highest limits possible. The following essay is a synopsis of Torah I heard from my Rebbe, Rabbi Leib Kelemen on the topic of Rosh Hashanah, that relates to running and marathons and will help explain this "mystery of the marathon." In the process we will also learn about Chesed, Din & Mercy and how we can proactively become deserving of G-d's mercy and make this new year truly different. I hope my words are helpful and if you find this essay meaningful please let me know and feel free to share it with others :)
Judgement, Kindness & Mercy
We know there is going to be a judgment on Rosh Hashana and everything depends on that judgement. G-d judges us based on who we are right now so if we can hold it together for this judgement we will be set. The good news is the judgement, or our spiritual x-ray only lasts a split second. The even better news is we know exactly when this moment occurs. The Yarus Devash & Rav Yisroel Salanter teach us that the judgment takes place during the blowing of the shofar. So it seems clear that the blowing of the shofar is the moment of pure Din & Judgement. The problem is that there is a Medrash in Vayikra Rabba that says Klal Yisroel know how to please their creator with the blowing of the Shofar and with the sound of the shofar G-d gets out of his seat of Din and instead sits in his seat of Rachamim, mercy. We see from the Medrash that the shofar has this unique ability to convert G-d's quality of harsh judgement into a moment of absolute mercy. The obvious question is which is true? Is the moment of the shofar a time of pure judgement or is it a time of mercy, which one is it? There is another problem with the Medrash. The Medrash discusses three qualities of Hashem: Din, Chesed & Rachamim. Din is pure judgement. The opposite of Din is chesed, pure kindness. Din can be described as I am coming to collect, and Chesed, the opposite is where I am coming to give. Mercy or Rachamim, is the result of Din coming to collect and Chesed paying off the debt. With this in mind, the Medrash should say G-d gets out of his seat of pure judgement and sits in the opposite seat, the seat of pure Chesed, kindness. Why does the Medrash instead say Hashem moves from Din to Mercy?
Rosh Hashanah: The Day of Judgement
There is a Medrash brought by the Ran that describes exactly what occurred on the day that man was created and gives us a better understanding about what Judgment is about. The Medrash tells us that Adam was brought into the Garden of Eden in the eighth hour, was instructed not to eat of the Tree of knowledge in the ninth hour and committed the sin of eating in the tenth hour. Then in the eleventh hour man was judged and in the twelfth hour he received amnesty. The Medrash then tells us that G-d told Adam that this event would be repeated and just as he stood before G-d in Judgment and received amnesty so too in the future his children will stand in judgment and also receive amnesty each year on the day of Rosh Hashanah. There is an obvious problem with this Medrash though. Did Adam really receive amnesty from Hashem? Was Adam forgiven? We all know the rest of the story! Adam was thrown out of the Garden of Eden and received a sentence of death! Where is the amnesty the Medrash is referring to? Moreover, even if we can somehow find the amnesty, are we really comforted in knowing that we can look forward to this level of judgement each year?
Punishment: Human vs. Divine
To answer this question we need to understand the difference between human judgment/punishment and divine judgment/punishment. When a human court tries and convicts someone and finds them guilty they then administer some type of harsh punishment. The purpose of the punishment ideally is to take some revenge for committing this terrible crime and to dissuade others from repeating the crime. When G-d is involved in judgment however it is a completely different experience. When G-d judges He is not taking revenge and He is not trying to scare others from committing the same crime. G-d's judgment is actually a diagnosis that calculates the exact damage which occurred as a result of the sin and a prescription for how to correct the mistake. Prior to his sin, Adam's body glowed. The Medrash tells us that Adam's ankle was like the sun. When Adam ate from the tree he created a spiritual nuclear meltdown. Instantly the spiritual radiation blew out in all directions. Everything changed. Adam's body was instantly destroyed. His glowing body changed to what ours looks like today. Adam was shaking and was shocked at what he had done and how different his world had become. His world was destroyed and his body filled with nuclear poison. Adam was then trapped because his body required an intense cleansing process, a process that his body could not live through. At the same time though he was living in the Garden of Eden, a place where his body could not die either. When G-d removed Adam from the Garden it wasn't a punishment or revenge, it wasn't to scare other people, it was the only way to make the repair. In other words, when we do something that is prohibited in G-d's guide to healthy living, when we sin, we cause damage and create a debt. The goal is to undo the damage created, to pay back the debt. The Yaros Defash & Rav Yisroel Salanter are correct, the blowing of the shofar is a moment of pure din. G-d comes to collect the debt. He doesn’t want us to remain with the flaws that we created. When we blow the shofar we are crying out to G-d and saying, we want to pay the debt. We want to undo the damage. We don’t want to walk around broken anymore so please help us fix ourselves. The word Shofar actually comes from the words Shifu Maesechem, which mean to fix our actions. Din is coming to collect, & Chesed can come to pay off the debt. This is why the Medrash says G-d moves from the seat of Din to a seat of Mercy. When Chesed pays Din the result is Rachamim, pure Mercy. When we offer to pay the debt we create Mercy. Blowing the shofar is naturally a moment of pure Din, we are going to get judgment so we can get fixed. However when we offer to pay we transform that moment into pure Mercy. When we offer to pay for our damage G-d sees that we are willing to work hard, willing to take the pain and that we are not afraid. For such a people G-d can prescribe mercy instead of strict din because He is confident that we will work hard and do what is necessary to fix ourselves.
Keeping Us Honest
Now that we understand what our thoughts should be when hearing the shofar and how being ready to accept G-d's prescription can directly help us merit His mercy, there is an obvious question looming. How can we be certain that we are being honest with ourselves at that critical moment? G-d of course knows our deepest thoughts and desires and there is no fooling Him. When we hear the sound of the shofar on Rosh Hashanah can we honestly feel that we desire growth even if it comes with pain? Can we attain this saintly level? Is this a realistic expectation?
A Shofar Moment
I am very fortunate to be involved in several running projects that I believe are helping people use running to improve their lives (and blessed with a wife who is so supportive). RabbisCanRun is giving Rabbis a unique opportunity to focus on their health, help kids at risk and participate in a very special Israel experience. Recently we began a running club called Runnergize, to give boys a healthy outlet while using endurance training to help teach important life skills. However I was not always a runner. In fact only 4 years ago I could not run 90 seconds straight without feeling that I was going to collapse. Today on the other hand I generally run between 12-15 miles a week and have completed more than 1000 miles of training in the process of preparing for multiple marathons. When I think about how I went from being out of shape to becoming a long distance runner I can actually pinpoint the precise moment that this transition occurred. It was the summer of 2014 when I was speaking to my good friend and mentor, Rabbi Yosef Weisman, and considering signing up for my first full marathon. He was providing me with all the information I needed to understand what was involved in making this serious commitment. I would need to change my diet, increase my sleep and dedicate time for long runs that could take up to four our five hours of my time each week. There was going to be pain and discomfort, constant soreness and sometimes even in parts of my body I never knew existed. Thinking about this commitment left me with very serious doubts as to whether I could handle this challenge. I already had a full plate, a full time job, a part time job in the evenings, a commitment to daily learning and a family that needed me for a variety of things. But at the same time this was also a unique opportunity to take on a task that was bigger than myself, a task that was almost impossible to complete, something that would change me and also change the lives of others. Part of me thought I was crazy but the other part yearned to put myself in a place where I could reach greatness despite the potential pain and difficulty. So after much deliberation with my family and with rabbinic guidance I went to the marathon registration page, closed my eyes and clicked the register button. In that moment everything changed. It was no longer, "how am I actually going to do this?" It was, "Wow, I am actually going to do this!" I realize today that the decision to register for the marathon was what my good friend Aharon Novack termed a "Shofar Moment." It was moment in time when I had to choose the difficult over the easy, the pain over the comfort. That single click more than 4 years ago, was a training that helped develop a skill to face pain for the purpose of being able to grow. It was a chance to hear the sound of the shofar and face the music. Will I always have the strength to make these types of decisions in the future? I don't know. What I do know however is that my decision to take on the marathon brought me at least 26.2 miles closer to believing in myself and being aware of what I could accomplish with a lot of hard work, determination, divine assistance and an incredibly supportive wife & family.
Just a Click Away
People ask me what is the hardest part of training for a marathon? What is the part that really blows everyone out, the part that separates the men from the boys? Is it the need to consistently have to wake up early or run late at night week after week? Or is it the 20 mile practice run 3 weeks before the actual race that drains every once of energy out of your body? The truth is it's neither. The hardest part of marathon training is simply clicking the register button to enroll in the marathon itself. Most people never finish a marathon not because they can't run but rather because they never register for the race. Making the commitment to take on the challenge is the hardest part of the training process. Once a person makes the decision that they are going to dedicate themselves to the task and put in all their effort to succeed, the hardest part is already behind them.
A Year Filled With Marathons
This year let's be prepared to take on the challenge. Let's choose excellence over the easy street, closeness over comfort and greatness over "give me a break." On this Rosh Hashanah let us listen to the sound of the shofar and hear our opportunity to make a difference. Let's believe in ourselves and our ability to push our limits. With this mindfulness each of us will have the strength and the courage to click REGISTER, when that special opportunity presents itself, despite the fear of the unknown and the difficulty of the task. We all have a deep reservoir of incredible power and strength that we can utilize and Hashem is waiting to help us cross the finish line. All He asks from us is to take the first step and sign up for the race. Let's make this year different. Let's listen for our shofar moments and realize that discovering our true potential may be just a click away.
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